For those who have never been before, therapy may feel shrouded in mystery. Hollywood portrayals and the confidential nature of therapy have contributed to many misconceptions about what goes on in the therapists office. This unfortunately may deter people from getting support. I want to demystify the therapy experience and remove this barrier. Let’s look at some of the common therapy myths.
“Going to therapy means I’m weak”
A common barrier to going to therapy is the narrative that help-seeking is a weakness. This stoic attitude from generations past is outdated. Dismissing the need for help does not equate to better psychological functioning. In fact, there is evidence that negative attitudes towards help-seeking is associated with poorer mental health outcomes.
The reliance on others- interdependence- is a survival mechanism and therefore strength of humans. We are not meant to “go it alone” through life’s challenges. Even psychologists have psychologists.
I have a strong sense of admiration when someone comes into my office and is open to exploring their inner experiences. The willingness to tolerate discomfort and vulnerability in the pursuit of personal development is a sign of grit and resilience.
“I’ll have to lie on a couch”
The practice of lying down on a couch while speaking to your therapist comes from the early days of psychoanalytic therapy. The idea was that clients could better access their subconscious in the reclined position. While there may be the occasional psychoanalytic therapist who continues this practice today, it is not the norm. Most therapy rooms are set up for you to sit casually as you would in your day-to-day life when chatting to someone.
“My problems aren’t big enough”
Therapy is not reserved for severe mental health disorders or major trauma. There are many challenges in life that we can benefit from processing with a professional. Like many therapists, in my psychology practice I enjoy working with the full spectrum of client concerns. This includes clients who may want to explore or fine tune one area of life but are generally functioning well. There is no minimum criteria to engage in private therapy; anyone is welcome to self-refer.
“I’ll have to talk about my childhood”
Unlike the above, this one is true. In your initial sessions it is likely your therapist will ask about your upbringing and early life experiences. The depth to which this is explored and the emphasis placed on them will depend on the therapists treatment approach, and the issues you are presenting with. A responsible therapist will be sensitive towards early life events of a traumatic nature and will ensure that these are explored in safe, paced way.
“My therapist will ‘fix’ me”
Therapy is an interactive, collaborative process. It is not something the therapist does to you, like a mechanic fixing a car. Instead, the therapist will sit alongside while you examine the engine. They may offer insights into what might be happening, and they may hand you the tools but ultimately the work is in your hands. It’s also best to think of people as classic cars; we have eccentricities and quirks. The goal is not perfection, but to get things running a little more smoothly and reliably. How we function will depend on the roads we drive down and the obstacles that pop up along the way. We can expect that maintenance and tune-up’s will be needed from time-to-time.
“I tried therapy once and it didn’t work”
Occasionally, people report having had disappointing past therapy experiences. While this is unfortunate, it doesn’t mean that therapy doesn’t work at all. It may be that they didn’t resonate with the particular style of the therapist. Like any relationship, sometimes people just don’t “gel” and that’s okay.
Another reason for this belief is unmet expectations. People sometimes go into therapy expecting change from one session. However, in the first session, your therapist is only just getting to know you and assess your presenting concerns. The number of sessions needed to reach your goals will vary person-to-person and according to the therapist’s treatment approach. It can be helpful to have a chat with your therapist up front about this to ensure you’re on the same page.
For those who remain hesitant towards therapy, I encourage you to try it out. This is the best way to test your assumptions and hopefully experience the benefits of help-seeking directly.
Note: I would like to acknowledge that for many New Zealander’s there are barriers to accessing psychological support beyond help-seeking myths. This includes the significant expense of private therapy, limited availability of therapy providers, and continuing effects of colonisation on healthcare experiences.
Dr Sophie Muir is a Clinical Psychologist from Auckland’s North Shore. She started her private practice in 2020, having begun her career at the Department of Corrections. She enjoys working across the spectrum of mental health concerns, with a particular interest in relationships and attachment. She wants to make psychological research and theory widely accessible across Aotearoa so that people feel less overwhelmed and alone with their life challenges.
Website: https://www.drsophiemuir.com