Have you ever felt completely overwhelmed by work, the people around you, or your environment to the point where you either wanted to completely withdraw from everything around you, or lash out because you can’t hold the stress in anymore.
Feeling overwhelmed by work, social demands, or too much sensory input can make you feel like you might shut down or lose control. This experience is common among neurodivergent people, especially in high-pressure situations, but can also be a challenge for those struggling with their mental health.
Understanding Emotional Shutdowns and Meltdowns
Emotional shutdowns and meltdowns are intense responses that can occur when we are overwhelmed.[i] Some people express frustration, overwhelm, or distress through physical actions – crying or screaming, hitting, throwing, or smashing objects – even though they don’t understand why they react this way. Others completely shut down and withdraw, unable to engage in anything or with anyone.
Those of us who share these experiences often feel embarrassed, debilitated, and exhausted afterwards. They can also have significant implications, such as disciplinary action at work or those we live with finding our reactions difficult or scary.
Dr Louise Cowpertwait, a clinical neuropsychologist and founder of MindMatters Clinic, explains that emotional shutdowns and meltdowns are more common among neurodivergent individuals, such as those of us who are autistic or ADHD, but can also occur as a response to high levels of anxiety or psychological trauma.
Many individuals who have had these intense emotional reactions since childhood were often labelled as “bad” or “difficult,” Dr Cowpertwait says, instead of recognising these behaviours as signs of regulation difficulties. It’s common to overlook the underlying cognitive differences or mental distress that shape these experiences and struggles. However, by understanding the cause, or the need being expressed by these behaviours, we can reduce these happening in the first place and have a clear plan to follow when they do occur.
What are Emotional Shutdowns
A shutdown is an emotional response to becoming overwhelmed by sensory, emotional, or cognitive overload, where a person “shuts off” emotionally and cognitively.
Those of us who experience shutdowns typically withdraw and become numb and unresponsive, almost like our brain ‘powers down’ to protect us from too much stress. We might hide out in our bedroom and insist that we are left alone. We often have challenges with communication or decision-making during this time.
Shutdowns usually occur when an individual’s coping mechanisms come to overload and put them into a temporary freeze-like state of functioning, unable to act or respond, even though they are aware of what’s happening. A shutdown usually occurs when someone feels the need to escape a situation, but might not feel able to.
Understanding Emotional Meltdowns
A meltdown is an intense emotional response triggered in the same way as a shutdown. It happens when our ability to self-regulate is insufficient in response to overwhelming stimuli. A person experiencing a meltdown often shows visible distress, such as crying, yelling, pacing, or physical aggression, which might be directed towards themselves.[ii] Like shutdowns, meltdowns also occur when an individual’s coping mechanisms come to overload. However, when in a meltdown, a person reacts outwardly to release built-up tension.
Scottish autistic comedian, Fern Brady, describes meltdowns as “trying to hold back a sneeze and you can’t.” Brady struggled with undiagnosed autism throughout her life, until she was diagnosed in her 30s after a series of meltdowns that led her to seek answers. Brady says her anxiety was “frequently misinterpreted in public as anger,” while in private, her anxiety “resulted in exhausting and destructive meltdowns that led me to finally getting a diagnosis”.[iii]
She says that alcohol makes her meltdowns much worse. Brady points out that meltdowns are different from tantrums. While tantrums can be manipulative, “meltdowns are humiliating” and make you feel “physically unwell”, happening when a person feels unable to control their reaction to a stressful situation.[iv]
What Triggers Emotional Shutdowns and Meltdowns?
As responses to severe distress, emotional meltdowns and shutdowns are often triggered by the same challenges. However, how a person responds – either by shutting down or having a meltdown – depends on the individual’s coping mechanisms and stress tolerance. Everyday things that activate shutdowns or meltdowns include:
Sensory Overload
Bright lights, blaring sounds, strong smells, or chaotic environments can overwhelm the nervous system, leading it to no longer be able to process information. Sensory overload is common in neurodivergent people but those of us who are highly sensitive, stressed, or experiencing mental unwellness can experience sensory overwhelm also.
Emotional Overload
Intense emotions, rejection, criticism, or misunderstanding can overwhelm an individual’s emotional regulation ability. When you have feelings that are so huge, such as anger or frustration, but you’ve been taught showing them openly is inappropriate, the suppression can build up like steam building up in a kettle. If this pressure becomes too much, it can eventually lead to a meltdown. At the same time, prolonged distress can result in a shutdown, particularly if a person doesn’t feel safe to show their distress.
Cognitive Overload
Too many pieces of information at once, complex jobs, or abrupt changes may lead to mental exhaustion. If the mind cannot process the input, a person may react with an explosion (meltdown) or mentally shut down (shutdown).
Social Exhaustion & Masking
It may be draining to constantly hold back or mask yourself to “fit in” on the job or in social interactions. When frustration reaches the boiling point, some individuals meltdown from build-up frustration. In contrast, others shut down to conserve their energy.
Stress, Anxiety, Burnout
Work, school, or whānau (family) stress can increase daily emotional challenges.
Pressure situations such as highly scheduled deadlines, public speaking, or job interviews can trigger a meltdown when pressure is pending or a shutdown when stressed due to waiting too long.
Unmet Basic Needs
A lack of sleep, hunger, thirst or illness can lower a person’s tolerance to deal with stress. When this happens, other stressors that would usually feel manageable can easily feel unmanageable and push us over our threshold into shutdown or meltdown.
How to Distinguish Meltdowns, Shutdowns, Panic Attacks, and Dissociation
Meltdowns can often be mistaken for panic attacks. However, meltdowns are outward explosions of distress caused by a level of stress that feels unmanageable (e.g., due to sensory or emotional overload), with crying, yelling, or physical agitation. Meanwhile, panic attacks are anxiety-related, and might feel like fear or a sense of danger, with a racing heart, dizziness, sweating, or hyperventilation, often without an obvious cause. Similarly, shutdowns can often be mistaken for episodes of dissociation. However, shutdowns are internal withdrawals, where a person gets quiet, freezes, or mentally fogs out due to being overwhelmed. Dissociation, however, is more of a sense of disconnecting from reality or oneself, as if watching from a distance, and is typically linked with trauma and not necessarily overload.
Strategies to Manage Shutdowns and Meltdowns
No challenge can be effectively managed until we recognise it for what it truly is. Being conscious of your shutdowns and meltdowns, what triggers them, and what helps, allows us to more effectively advocate for ourselves both in our personal and professional lives. It can also help us foster a healthier self-perception if we might have spent years believing that having shutdowns and meltdowns means there’s something wrong with us. Integrating these self-care strategies into your daily routine can reduce the frequency and intensity of shutdowns and meltdowns, making them more manageable over time.
Identify Triggers and Early Warning Signs
Start by recognising the early signs and learning what you’re dealing with. Figure out your ‘window of tolerance’ for stress and overload – what you can handle and what’s too much. Pay attention to physical and emotional cues to prevent escalation and find alternative ways to cope. Is it rising anxiety, irritability, or feeling overwhelmed by sensory stimuli or too many tasks?
Create a Coping Plan
Develop strategies that work for you. These can be different for each person. Whether stepping away from overwhelming environments, using noise-cancelling headphones, or practicing deep breathing, find what works for you.[v]
Seek Support from Trusted People
Don’t be afraid to share your concerns and experiences with close friends, family, or colleagues. Let them know what happens during a meltdown or shutdown and how they can help, whether by giving you space, offering water, or using calm voice and direct communication. If others are distressed by your meltdowns or shutdowns, this can also give them a chance to share how they feel and come up with a plan with you to ensure you both get your needs met in the process.
Prioritise Self-Care
Regularly practice stress-reduction techniques such as mindfulness or self-compassion meditation. It can be difficult to accept our limitations but it is important to set realistic boundaries to reduce overall vulnerability to shutdowns and meltdowns.
Seek Professional Support
Therapy, coaching, or support groups can provide personalised emotional regulation and resilience strategies.
Many of the challenges related to emotional shutdowns or meltdowns are caused by a lack of awareness and environments not being well set up for people with cognitive differences or vulnerable to sensory overwhelm. MindMatters Clinic can assist organisations such as tertiary education providers and workplaces to create more inclusive environments that support people to be their best.
[i] https://www.leicspart.nhs.uk/autism-space/health-and-lifestyle/meltdowns-and-shutdowns/
[ii] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36632658/
[iii] https://www.autistica.org.uk/get-involved/my-autism-story/fern-brady
[iv] https://squarepeg.community/32-s3-ep1-fern-brady-autistic-meltdowns-understanding-emotions-and-being-the-black-sheep/
[v] https://www.autismspeaks.org/blog/autistic-meltdown-adults