The importance of conflict
Conflict is a part of work life that elicits discomfort in many people. Understandably there may be an urge to avoid or prevent conflict, however the research suggests it’s more important to address it (1). With good conflict management strategies in place, conflict can improve teamwork, learning, innovation, and diversity of the workforce1. On an individual level, working through a conflict can lead to a sense of mastery and security; “the implicit knowledge that I can overcome problems” (2).
What causes conflict?
If you think back to a bad conflict you’ve experienced, you will probably notice that there were two parts to it- the primary cause and then the exacerbating factors, such as the way it was handled. You may have also noticed that the latter can become more of an issue than the original cause.
Common initial causes of work conflict include productivity and performance issues; allocation of rewards; disagreement on how to approach a task; and personality or cultural clashes (3).
Exacerbating these initial issues is the failure to address them (avoidance) or taking the wrong approach (mishandling/mismanagement). In such cases negative feelings fester and aggressive behaviours or disengagement may follow.
How do you make conflict productive?
The fast and frequent management of conflicts will build individual skills and an organisational culture where people feel safe to express themselves, bring up new or opposing ideas, and give constructive feedback. To manage conflict effectively, consider the following principles:
Nip it in the bud.
Intervening quickly allows you to focus on the primary cause of the conflict and prevent the opportunity for exacerbating factors to set in. By frequently dealing with conflicts, you will carve out a familiar pathway to utilise next time a conflict pops up.
Regulate your own emotions first.
When going into difficult conversations, our fight and flight system is activated which makes it harder to think clearly, communicate, and empathise (4). If you notice your heart rate and breathing are elevated, can you settle these sensations first? Think about what helps you feel calm- is it stepping outside for a quick walk? Listening to some music? Having a quick stretch?
Labelling and verbalising your discomfort out loud can also diffuse your feelings as well as humanise yourself to the other party, reducing the sense of threat.
Plan your 3 w’s: when, where, and with whom?
It can be helpful to modify situational variables to support emotion regulation and effective communication. What time of day will you meet and how much time should be allocated to work through the conflict? Should the conflict be handled face-to-face? Will parties be more relaxed in the office or outside? Should it happen 1:1 or does a manager or mediator need to be there?
Know your goal.
It is important to have a sense of what outcome you are hoping for. While there is no one-size-fits-all approach, a helpful question to reflect on is whether you want to prioritise personal goals, the relationship, or the organisation? Then, think about which of the following is most likely to achieve that:
- Accommodating one parties needs over the other;
- Both parties giving something up (compromise);
- Both parties getting what they need (collaborate);
- Both parties agreeing to disagree but feeling respectfully heard.
Do’s and don’ts of ‘fighting fair’.
Do: Clearly state what you need and why; acknowledge your role in any issues; consider what you could give up/do in exchange; discuss one issue at a time; and pause if needed.
Don’t: Blame, shame, or attack; talk behind backs; engage in game-playing; or act aggressively.
Create cultural safety.
Be mindful of the cultural background of parties involved and include any appropriate practices to convey respect. In Tikanga Māori, practices such as shared kai (food), karakia (prayer), and whanaungatanga (establishing shared identities) among others should be considered. Generational differences may also be worth factoring into your plans.
Know your limits.
It must be acknowledged that even the clearest and fairest of communicators cannot get far if other parties are fighting dirty, there is poor management, or an unhelpful organisational culture. Consult or escalate to senior colleagues and HR if stuck. If you are feeling unsupported and notice your wellbeing is suffering, consider your longevity in this workplace.
From theory to practice
In starting to cultivate your conflict management skills, it is normal to still feel uncomfortable and to take missteps. Lean on those around you for support while learning. If you are a manager, you have a critical influence in how safe your team feels with conflict and in helping to resolve it. Try to model comfort with it (even if you don’t feel it), be available for consult, and support your team to develop their own skills. Regardless of your position, trust that with continued exposure and commitment to developing your conflict management skills, it will get easier in time.
Please note this article is not intended to cover bullying, harassment, and serious misconducts.
References
1. Adeyemi, JK. Workplace conflict on productivity and emotional stability of employee. International Journal of Management and Business Applied. 2022, 1(2): 103-109.
2. Tronick, E. Gold, CM. The power of discord: why the ups and downs of relationships are the secret to building intimacy, resilience, and trust. Victoria: Scribe, 2020.
3. Eregova, D. Rotenbornova, L. Towards understanding of workplace conflict: an examination into causes and conflict management strategies. Problems of management in the 21st century. 2021, 16(1), 2021: 7-18.
4. Van der Kolk, BA. The body keeps the score: brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. New York: Penguin Books, 2015.
Dr Sophie Muir is a Clinical Psychologist from Auckland’s North Shore. She started her private practice in 2020, having begun her career at the Department of Corrections. She enjoys working across the spectrum of mental health concerns, with a particular interest in relationships and attachment. She wants to make psychological research and theory widely accessible across Aotearoa so that people feel less overwhelmed and alone with their life challenges.
Website: https://www.drsophiemuir.com